At ease my loyal followers, after about 3 months of absence from my popular blog, I'm back and this time for good!... Oh yeah, that's right, no one reads this... But they will one day! And when they do they can look back at all my great archived material.
Anyways, I've decided that each day I'll predict certain games and randomly post updates on my thoughts about the games in progress that I have money on. Get ready for a lot of frustrated posts about teams sucking giant cock. And how appropriate that Colorado State is losing by 4 to the overfeated Air Force Acadamey right now in the first round of the MWC tourney, and I have CSU as part of a 12 team parlay (I'm addicted to 12 team parlays). It's 55-51 with 3:48 and CSU just called a timeout, so they better regroup and pull their heads out against a no win conference team or else I'll have a catastrophic meltdown. I only allow one winless conference team to miraculously win per championship week (Depaul).
Anyways, on to games I like for tonight:
Duquense (-140) over UMass
I feel like a good chunk of the A-10 is capable of winning on any given night, no matter who they play. I mean, Xavier hasn't impressed me at all (great pick to lose in the first round of the tourney by the way) and Dayton is only good at home. Then you've got your teams like Duqense, UMass, Richmond, and Temple. Even Charlotte and Drexel can give teams a run for their money. So when picking this game, I refer to how Duquense handily beat UMass on the road earlier this year, so I'll say that they win on a neutral floor.
SCORE UPDATE:
CSU 58, Air Force 62 with 1:00 left in the 4th Quarter
My thoughts: How the hell does CSU let this happen? I mean, I know they aren't good, but Air Force is the WORST TEAM IN THE CONFERENCE. It's not like CSU is good and they're overlooking teams. Their coach should be fired.
Anyways...
Notre Dame (+6.5) over West Virginia
It's pannic time in South Bend, and a loss will mean the NIT for them, and we can officially say that Luke Harangody was extremely overrated. Whether they win or not, they'll keep it close because they are in must win mode. I don't think they'll make the tournament either way unless they win this thing (which they won't) but I think they can win one Big East tourney game, right?
Seton Hall (+7) over Syracuse
I smell upset. Seton Hall is actually kinda good, it just sucks for them because they play in the best conference in the nation. I think they can win on a neutral site against a kinda good Syracuse team. Gotta like the 7 points though too.
Richmond (-5.5) over St. Bonaventure
I hate St. Bonny. Enough said. And plus, Richmond is playing well, they just beat Xavier.
Iowa State (+10.5) over Oklahoma State
Love, love, love this one. I love it. Did I mention that I love this line? Conference play teaches you a lot about a team, and it tought me that Okie State isn't that good. They usually pull off a big upset at home each year, and this year they couldn't do it against Oklahoma, Kansas, or Missou. I don't count Texas because they suck this year for some reason. Probably because A.J. Abrams is not a game changer or a true go-to-guy. He's more like my boy J.R. Smith. And did you watch the Texas game today? The announcers were awful, and they made it sound like Dexter Pittman is the second coming of Shaq. They also couldn't stop raving about how big his hands were. Sounds to me like they just want his black cock in them. And who was the last guy to draw comparisons to Shaq in college? Not Greg Oden, he got Bill Russel comparisons... Oh yeah! It was this guy: http://blog.ingamenow.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/big-baby.jpg. I'm sensing things in the future for you Dexter.
Texas Tech (+6.5) over Texas A&M
This is risky, if you can take A&M straight up, do so because they will win probably, but I'm thinking a surprisingly close game here. Tech finishes strong and they give their rivals a run for their money coming off of their destruction of Kansas.
Oregon State (+7.5) over Stanford
I'm calling upset here. If you can take Oregon State straight up, then do it on the moneyline. Stanford had their last big win over ASU (which killed me by the way) and I don't think they're due for a Pac-10 tourney run. Go with the Beavers.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Saturday, December 27, 2008
The Rebound
I feel like an ass after going 1-4 on Christmas, but seriously, that was a whacky day. The Magic BLEW OUT the Hornets, the Lakers almost won by double digits, the Spurs won on a last second 3 by Roger Mason Jr. in a game that they were outplayed the whole time, the Cavs barely beat the Wizards, and the Mavs beat the Blazers in one of the toughest if not the toughest place to play in the NBA... who knew. I took today off and now I'll try to redeem myself.
Oklahoma City (+6) over Washington
The Thunder have been a little fiesty as of late and almost beat the Pistons in Detroit last night. That's not saying much seeing as how the Piston's are this year's Denver Nuggets of the past two years, but OKC should keep this close if not win. Of course, knowing my luck, the Wizards will have their little "play really well ever 2 weeks at home" game. Please don't happen. Tease the Thunder.
New Jersey (+3.5) over Charlotte
This one is a stay away, but since I have to make a pick, I'll just say that New Jersey keeps it close after seeing the Cats just last night, and also because it's tough to sweep these home and home things. By the way, Boris Diaw will quietly have a great season in Charlotte. He's a bigger scorer who plays good defense, a big upgrade from draft day steals Adam Morrison and Sean May. Tease New Jersey
Minnesota (+8.5) over Orlando
I know that Orlando is playing really well right now, but they're not going to blow everyone out, even the bad teams. The Wolves are coming off of a big win on the road over a sneaky Knicks team and will at least put up a fight at home. Tease Minny.
Memphis (+13.5) over San Antonio
If you're feeling really balsy, take Memphis to win straight up if you can. I'm feeling upset here. San Antonio hasn't blow anyone out recently that I can remember, so the Griz should at least cover. Memphis has that youth and energy though that could come out and run right past San Antonio, and they can also shoot the 3. I can see Manu Ginobli now going home to his European woman who asks, "Great win against the Suns today baby, you were very handsome on the court today. Who do you play next Darling?" Manu replies, "Just the Memphis Grizzlies, or should I say the Memphis Poopoo bears! HAHA, now fetch me some wine and perform fellacio on me!" All of that in a snotty foreign accent of course. Tease the Griz.
Toronto (+8) over Portland
Allow me to predict this game exactly as it will happen. Toronto will start the game off pretty hot going up 15-5 in the first 4 minutes and finishing the quarter up 29-20. In the second quarter, the Blazers make a slight comeback and are only down 48-44. In the third quarter, all hell breaks loose and the Blazers come out of the half on fire and the 3rd quarter ends with them up 77-68. The Raptors fight back to make it 87-84 with 3 minutes remaing, until Brandon Roy takes over and the Blazers win 98-91. Classic NBA game. Tease either one and you should be fine, probably the Raptors to be safe.
Oklahoma City (+6) over Washington
The Thunder have been a little fiesty as of late and almost beat the Pistons in Detroit last night. That's not saying much seeing as how the Piston's are this year's Denver Nuggets of the past two years, but OKC should keep this close if not win. Of course, knowing my luck, the Wizards will have their little "play really well ever 2 weeks at home" game. Please don't happen. Tease the Thunder.
New Jersey (+3.5) over Charlotte
This one is a stay away, but since I have to make a pick, I'll just say that New Jersey keeps it close after seeing the Cats just last night, and also because it's tough to sweep these home and home things. By the way, Boris Diaw will quietly have a great season in Charlotte. He's a bigger scorer who plays good defense, a big upgrade from draft day steals Adam Morrison and Sean May. Tease New Jersey
Minnesota (+8.5) over Orlando
I know that Orlando is playing really well right now, but they're not going to blow everyone out, even the bad teams. The Wolves are coming off of a big win on the road over a sneaky Knicks team and will at least put up a fight at home. Tease Minny.
Memphis (+13.5) over San Antonio
If you're feeling really balsy, take Memphis to win straight up if you can. I'm feeling upset here. San Antonio hasn't blow anyone out recently that I can remember, so the Griz should at least cover. Memphis has that youth and energy though that could come out and run right past San Antonio, and they can also shoot the 3. I can see Manu Ginobli now going home to his European woman who asks, "Great win against the Suns today baby, you were very handsome on the court today. Who do you play next Darling?" Manu replies, "Just the Memphis Grizzlies, or should I say the Memphis Poopoo bears! HAHA, now fetch me some wine and perform fellacio on me!" All of that in a snotty foreign accent of course. Tease the Griz.
Toronto (+8) over Portland
Allow me to predict this game exactly as it will happen. Toronto will start the game off pretty hot going up 15-5 in the first 4 minutes and finishing the quarter up 29-20. In the second quarter, the Blazers make a slight comeback and are only down 48-44. In the third quarter, all hell breaks loose and the Blazers come out of the half on fire and the 3rd quarter ends with them up 77-68. The Raptors fight back to make it 87-84 with 3 minutes remaing, until Brandon Roy takes over and the Blazers win 98-91. Classic NBA game. Tease either one and you should be fine, probably the Raptors to be safe.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Christmas Day for the NBA
Orlando (-4) over New Orleans
This is one of two games that I'm not too sure about and could go either way, so don't trust me entirely. My reasoning here is that the Magic are at home and I feel like this will be close throughout and you'll think "shit I shoul've taken the Hornets!" until the Magic pull away in the final 3 minutes culminated by either a Hedo Turkoglu/Rashard Lewis 3 and a huge Dwight Howard dunk as the crowd goes wild! Jesus, I got way too into that as I wrote that. I felt like good ol' JR right after Edge stole the title away from the Undertaker. IT'S EDGE! EDGE IS HERE! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! THE UNDERTAKER JUST GOT SCREWED! Tease the Hornets and you should be good.
Phoenix (-2) over San Antonio
This is the second game I'm not so sure about. Trust me, this is it, every other game I'm reliable. All 4 of these teams are capable of beating one another on any given day. Really good scheduling by the NBA. This just makes me even more excited for tomorrow... er, later today. (It's 3:30 in the morning here in Denver, and I've decided to devote this night to Madden and betting... sounds like the perfect Christmas Eve/Morning to me... And not to brag but I've just made 2 straight oponents accept my offer for mercy. They weren't that good but hey, it boosts my self esteem. By the way what is this Gillette Champions of Gaming Tournament all about? I've made it my duty to spend the next 3 days endlessly playing and trying to qualify while i bet on sports... I love winter break.) Anyways, Jason Richardson presents matchup problems for San Antonio because Parker and Ginobli aren't good enough to contain both Nash and now Richardson. I like Phoenix at home on Christmas over a surprisingly shaky San An team as of late. Tease either one though and you shoudl be good, probably San An just because you can get more points out of them... it will be a close game.
Boston (+2) over LA Lakers
I'm pretty confident that the Celts will beat LA straight up here. I mean, Boston is too hot and you know they have had this game circled since the schedules came out. They've been ripping every other team apart all while they've probably been looking ahead to LA, so if this is a game where they're actually prepared to play and where they're psyched as shit... then I don't think an LA team that almost lost to Memphis will win. Tease Boston if you want (which would be a sure thing), but since they're underdogs take them to win moneyline and you're welcome.
Cleveland (-15.5) over Washington
That seems high, but when the Cavs are up by 10 after the first quarter you will be feeling good. Lebron will want to give the fans a good Christmas gift and send them home happy, and the only way to make the fans happy when you're playing a shitty team like the Wizards is to destroy them. Anything less is a moral victory for the Wizards and a slap in the face for the Cavs. Tease the Cavs and it's a sure thing, take them to win straight up if you can and it's a guarantee. I doubt there will be a moneyline, but if there is, you're booky is basically giving you money.
Portland (-4) over Dallas
At first glance, I didn't know if Portland could win by more than 4, but then I realized just how slow Jason Kidd is and just how quick and young Portland's guards are. Dirk will make this interesting, but think about this: living in Portland, you grow up to love the Blazers, you just do because that's all you've got. It's YOU'RE team. That's all you've got growing up. You could be a Cowboys fan or a Yankees fan, but when it comes to the NBA it's Blazers all the way. That's Portland's identity. So for kids and just anyone in Portland to wake up Blazers tickets for that night's game under the tree is just a great gift. What I'm trying to say is that everyone going to this game will be stoked. It's Christmas night, everyone has had a fun day and now they get this... talk about the perfect day for a Portlandite (it's my best guess). Brandon Roy will go OFF. I'm talking triple double type numbers. If he's on your fantasy team, get ready to talk trash. In fact, thinking about the type of game B Roy will have is making me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6I5XXFqOUyA. That video will never get old, and neither will Andy Samberg. Him and Brandon Roy are two of my heroes... which reminds me of how great that paragraph was. I really do treat myself too well on Christmas. Tease Dallas for points or Portland if you're confident that they'll win. Both should happen, so it's a win win.
This is one of two games that I'm not too sure about and could go either way, so don't trust me entirely. My reasoning here is that the Magic are at home and I feel like this will be close throughout and you'll think "shit I shoul've taken the Hornets!" until the Magic pull away in the final 3 minutes culminated by either a Hedo Turkoglu/Rashard Lewis 3 and a huge Dwight Howard dunk as the crowd goes wild! Jesus, I got way too into that as I wrote that. I felt like good ol' JR right after Edge stole the title away from the Undertaker. IT'S EDGE! EDGE IS HERE! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! THE UNDERTAKER JUST GOT SCREWED! Tease the Hornets and you should be good.
Phoenix (-2) over San Antonio
This is the second game I'm not so sure about. Trust me, this is it, every other game I'm reliable. All 4 of these teams are capable of beating one another on any given day. Really good scheduling by the NBA. This just makes me even more excited for tomorrow... er, later today. (It's 3:30 in the morning here in Denver, and I've decided to devote this night to Madden and betting... sounds like the perfect Christmas Eve/Morning to me... And not to brag but I've just made 2 straight oponents accept my offer for mercy. They weren't that good but hey, it boosts my self esteem. By the way what is this Gillette Champions of Gaming Tournament all about? I've made it my duty to spend the next 3 days endlessly playing and trying to qualify while i bet on sports... I love winter break.) Anyways, Jason Richardson presents matchup problems for San Antonio because Parker and Ginobli aren't good enough to contain both Nash and now Richardson. I like Phoenix at home on Christmas over a surprisingly shaky San An team as of late. Tease either one though and you shoudl be good, probably San An just because you can get more points out of them... it will be a close game.
Boston (+2) over LA Lakers
I'm pretty confident that the Celts will beat LA straight up here. I mean, Boston is too hot and you know they have had this game circled since the schedules came out. They've been ripping every other team apart all while they've probably been looking ahead to LA, so if this is a game where they're actually prepared to play and where they're psyched as shit... then I don't think an LA team that almost lost to Memphis will win. Tease Boston if you want (which would be a sure thing), but since they're underdogs take them to win moneyline and you're welcome.
Cleveland (-15.5) over Washington
That seems high, but when the Cavs are up by 10 after the first quarter you will be feeling good. Lebron will want to give the fans a good Christmas gift and send them home happy, and the only way to make the fans happy when you're playing a shitty team like the Wizards is to destroy them. Anything less is a moral victory for the Wizards and a slap in the face for the Cavs. Tease the Cavs and it's a sure thing, take them to win straight up if you can and it's a guarantee. I doubt there will be a moneyline, but if there is, you're booky is basically giving you money.
Portland (-4) over Dallas
At first glance, I didn't know if Portland could win by more than 4, but then I realized just how slow Jason Kidd is and just how quick and young Portland's guards are. Dirk will make this interesting, but think about this: living in Portland, you grow up to love the Blazers, you just do because that's all you've got. It's YOU'RE team. That's all you've got growing up. You could be a Cowboys fan or a Yankees fan, but when it comes to the NBA it's Blazers all the way. That's Portland's identity. So for kids and just anyone in Portland to wake up Blazers tickets for that night's game under the tree is just a great gift. What I'm trying to say is that everyone going to this game will be stoked. It's Christmas night, everyone has had a fun day and now they get this... talk about the perfect day for a Portlandite (it's my best guess). Brandon Roy will go OFF. I'm talking triple double type numbers. If he's on your fantasy team, get ready to talk trash. In fact, thinking about the type of game B Roy will have is making me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6I5XXFqOUyA. That video will never get old, and neither will Andy Samberg. Him and Brandon Roy are two of my heroes... which reminds me of how great that paragraph was. I really do treat myself too well on Christmas. Tease Dallas for points or Portland if you're confident that they'll win. Both should happen, so it's a win win.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Early Morning Rants of a Post-baked College Kid
So I will admit that I got pretty baked earlier tonight, and while I was high I enjoyed part 2 of this Nuggets vs. Blazers 2 day series. All it really taught me is that home court advantage is still important in the NBA. It also taught me just how much bookies value home court advantage. After beating the Blazers just last night, the moneyline for the Nuggets to beat the Blazers on the road was +270! I had to take it, I mean a $5 bet would win me over $16. Of course, the Nuggets lost, but still, if they can beat the Celtics on the road, then certainly they have a shot against a shaky Blazers team. My buddy jumped all over a +500 Pacers over 76ers moneyline bet a few nights ago and won over $30. I wish I wouldn't have looked past that one. That night the Pacers were without Murphy AND Granger, and it was in Philly... but it's Philly. Them and Toronto are currently the leading candidates for the "Coming off a good year with an improved team and high expectations, but are underachieving tremendously" Award. Pretty catchy actually. I want to try to predict next year's winner, but it's hard to tell which team will sign an aging forward who slows his otherwise fast team down. Guys like Elton Brand and Jermaine O'Neal, you know?
This really has me wanting to predict next year's winner of this award. I'll refer to it as the Elton Brand award since the Raptors have been showing some signs of life lately. And now Brand is out for a month or something. That's money well spent!
Looking at some of aging unrestricted free agents who will draw too much money next season I've got Shawn Marion, Hedo Turkoglu, Lamar Odom and Jason Kidd who isn't a forward, but slows a team down just the same. Odom probably won't want too much money because he's coming off the bench, unless he's traded, so if you could get him for cheap then that wouldn't be bad, so I'll say it won't be him. Marion has proved to be very overrated, and it wouldn't surprise me if he started ditching pratctices and no one cared. Turkoglu's career year was last year and I think teams realize this, but he will probably get overpayed by someone. Jason Kidd will slow any team down and doesn't even provide that much offensively. Personally... I'll say that the Milwaukee Bucks are the team that exceeds expectations this year, go into next year with higher expectations, sign... Hedo Turkoglu, and under perform. Total shot in the dark, I don't see any of those players in a Bucks uniform, but if I'm right then hell yeah.
Speaking of predictions, here's my early prediction for who will make the playoffs:
Western Conference:
1. LA Lakers
2. Houston
3. Denver
4. San Antonio
5. New Orleans
6. Phoenix
7. Utah
8. Dallas
Eastern Conference:
1. Boston
2. Cleveland
3. Orlando
4. Atlanta
5. Detroit
6. Milwaukee
7. Miami
8. New Jersey
In the West, I have the Mavs just ousting the Blazers for the 8th seed. I feel like this will be the last year for the Mavs and the window they have had to win a championship and Dirk won't let this team not make the playoffs. Next year, will be the Blazers year, not this year.
On to baseball...
The Yankees signed Mark Teixera to an 8 year $180 million deal... which is complete and utter bullshit. Part of me wants a salary cap in baseball to avoid these teams spending millions upon millions for random stars while my Rockies have to strategically trade Matt Holliday, their best player by far, just to make ends meet. The only problem with a salary cap is that the even playing field could cause the premier teams like the Yankees, Red Sox, and Cubs to fall to the levels of the Nationals and Pirates. But you look at the NBA and the Lakers and Celtics are the class of the league still and have the best teams even with a salary cap. Then again, you look at the NHL and a salary cap killed the league... or maybe it was just that a year without hockey made everyone realize that hockey isn't that great after all... I'll go with the second one.
I think there has to be a salary cap though. The Rays have to be shitting their pants, because even though they have the perfect core of young players to contend for the next 10 seasons and probably win at least 1 World Series if everyone stayed, the problem is that the Yankees and Red Sox are going to be throwing top dollar at B.J. Upton, Evan Longoria, David Price, Scott Kazmir, all their top young talent once they become free agents, and they won't be able to turn it down. It makes these teams that are great at scouting and building teams the right way through the draft, trades, and the minors nothing more than Triple A teams to teams like the Yankees. I would've loved to see Teixera go to Washington or Baltimore, because he's from that area and signing him would give whichever team landed him incetive to land other free agents and contend. Instead, the Nationals will probably panic and sign Manny Rameriz to too big of a contract and suffer while he takes games off to party with Obama... when that happens I'll give myself a pat on the back... you know it will.
Not that long of a column but the thursday NBA lines aren't up yet so I'll go over them tomorrow as I start my predictions anew and I promise DAILY picks!
Later
This really has me wanting to predict next year's winner of this award. I'll refer to it as the Elton Brand award since the Raptors have been showing some signs of life lately. And now Brand is out for a month or something. That's money well spent!
Looking at some of aging unrestricted free agents who will draw too much money next season I've got Shawn Marion, Hedo Turkoglu, Lamar Odom and Jason Kidd who isn't a forward, but slows a team down just the same. Odom probably won't want too much money because he's coming off the bench, unless he's traded, so if you could get him for cheap then that wouldn't be bad, so I'll say it won't be him. Marion has proved to be very overrated, and it wouldn't surprise me if he started ditching pratctices and no one cared. Turkoglu's career year was last year and I think teams realize this, but he will probably get overpayed by someone. Jason Kidd will slow any team down and doesn't even provide that much offensively. Personally... I'll say that the Milwaukee Bucks are the team that exceeds expectations this year, go into next year with higher expectations, sign... Hedo Turkoglu, and under perform. Total shot in the dark, I don't see any of those players in a Bucks uniform, but if I'm right then hell yeah.
Speaking of predictions, here's my early prediction for who will make the playoffs:
Western Conference:
1. LA Lakers
2. Houston
3. Denver
4. San Antonio
5. New Orleans
6. Phoenix
7. Utah
8. Dallas
Eastern Conference:
1. Boston
2. Cleveland
3. Orlando
4. Atlanta
5. Detroit
6. Milwaukee
7. Miami
8. New Jersey
In the West, I have the Mavs just ousting the Blazers for the 8th seed. I feel like this will be the last year for the Mavs and the window they have had to win a championship and Dirk won't let this team not make the playoffs. Next year, will be the Blazers year, not this year.
On to baseball...
The Yankees signed Mark Teixera to an 8 year $180 million deal... which is complete and utter bullshit. Part of me wants a salary cap in baseball to avoid these teams spending millions upon millions for random stars while my Rockies have to strategically trade Matt Holliday, their best player by far, just to make ends meet. The only problem with a salary cap is that the even playing field could cause the premier teams like the Yankees, Red Sox, and Cubs to fall to the levels of the Nationals and Pirates. But you look at the NBA and the Lakers and Celtics are the class of the league still and have the best teams even with a salary cap. Then again, you look at the NHL and a salary cap killed the league... or maybe it was just that a year without hockey made everyone realize that hockey isn't that great after all... I'll go with the second one.
I think there has to be a salary cap though. The Rays have to be shitting their pants, because even though they have the perfect core of young players to contend for the next 10 seasons and probably win at least 1 World Series if everyone stayed, the problem is that the Yankees and Red Sox are going to be throwing top dollar at B.J. Upton, Evan Longoria, David Price, Scott Kazmir, all their top young talent once they become free agents, and they won't be able to turn it down. It makes these teams that are great at scouting and building teams the right way through the draft, trades, and the minors nothing more than Triple A teams to teams like the Yankees. I would've loved to see Teixera go to Washington or Baltimore, because he's from that area and signing him would give whichever team landed him incetive to land other free agents and contend. Instead, the Nationals will probably panic and sign Manny Rameriz to too big of a contract and suffer while he takes games off to party with Obama... when that happens I'll give myself a pat on the back... you know it will.
Not that long of a column but the thursday NBA lines aren't up yet so I'll go over them tomorrow as I start my predictions anew and I promise DAILY picks!
Later
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Tuesday NBA Picks
As expected I have zero comments on my 2 posts so far, which is what I expected because first people need to realize that I actually have a blog which I should probably start doing. The only thing with getting the word out about my blog is that well, why would anyone have any reason to read my blog of all the blogs that are out there? Today however I'm going to give people a reason to read. Everyday, even if I don't have time and can only simply give my picks, I'm going to make predictions on the daily NBA betting lines. I figure that if I can prove that I know what I'm talking about with the NBA that I can sell that to potential readers. And if I make bad predictions, then it will prove that I suck at life and that there's no reason to live.
Anyways, on to the picks (much like Bill Simmons does his)...
Charlottle (+2.5) over Chicago
Of course, my first ever pick is one that could really go either way, but I'll go with Charlotte at home. They're that team this year that has always been really bad, but has quietly made improvements and is playing a lot better, but they still get no credit. Raymond Felton is having his best year now that he actually has a legit point guard in D.J. Augustin to spell minutes for him. Jason Richardson was playing pretty well before he was traded and it will hurt there scoring, but Boris Diaw and Raja Bell can play defense against smaller players, and it just so happens that Chicago is full of smaller players, specifically guards. If you can, I'd take Charlotte to win straight up. The Bulls just don't have any team chemistry and have a bunch of random guards that all fit into different systems. They're desperate right now. Just watch coach Vinny Del Negro's coaching strategy these days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_53-Y-oLgc. But hey, it's not like his old strategy was working any better.
New Orleans (-7) over Memphis
Memphis is starting to play better and O.J. Mayo looks like he's going to be an All Star in a couple years, but New Orleans is starting to play better two, and if both teams are starting to get hot, then it only makes sense to go with the all around better team. Tyson Chandler missed Sunday's game so I don't kow if he'll be back tonight. If he is the there's no way Marc Gasol and company can be too effective against him and David West. The Hornets are just too solid and play good enough defense to keep Mayo and Rudy Gay in check. And in case no one's noticed, those are there only two legit scoring options. I'm still waiting for Mike Conley to decide to try, mainly because my fantasy team was depending on him to breakout this year... Whoops. (By the way both Greg Oden and Mike Conley, the two centerpieces of that Final Four Ohio State team aren't as good as people thought. In retrospect, how did that team even make it to the Final Four?)
Oklahoma City (+5) over LA Clippers
This is the game that people will be suckered into taking the Clippers to cover because they just gave Portland their first road loss and just beat the Rockets at home. The Portland win wasn't that great because Portland isn't playing well at all right now, and the Rockets are very up and down so any team could beat the Rockets on any night. While I do like how the Clippers are playing right now with Zach Randolph (did I just say that?), it's in Oklahoma and the Thunder are starting to play better too. And besides they need to win more than 2 games, right? Firing P.J. Carlesimo was the best decision that franchise could've made because seriously, can a young team take this guys seriously? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_53-Y-oLgc. He looks like a rapist. And when he whips out those 1960s glasses it just adds to the look. Not to mention the rapist aspect, but he also looks like a racist. Couldn't you see him viciously beating his wife when Obama won, but he did it with an emotionless look on his face. He's the racist rapist! But I've digressed... The Durant, Westbrook, Green trio will get play faster than the slower Clippers and cover, if not win.
Denver (+3) over Houston
Being a from Colorado, I am a big Nuggets fan. And this year has been very confusing for me, because out of nowhere I was unexpectly handed this good Nuggets team that I got to watch, and I had no idea what to do with myself. I'm having trouble adjusting to the fact that we actually might be good this year! Even as I typed that though I still can't believe it. For the past 4 or 5 seasons, I've grown accustomed to watching a team that can beat the weak teams handily, but only when a handful of games against the stronger teams and usually look awful against them. They use this formula to consistently get the 8th seed in the playoffs. They also get a little help from a classic 15 game win streak in March that ends abrubtly on April 1st, when they start playing bad again. It's become a cycle and I've grown to expect that every year. This year though, Chauncey Billups has actually made the team... gulp... goood! I can't believe I just said that, and even though I said it I still have a hard time believing it. Last night when they were beating the Mavs by double digits at halftime, I knew that the Mavs would comeback and take the lead and from there the Mavs would win it in the final minute of the game. The Nuggets did let the Mavs go on a run, but they never gave the lead back and they went on a run of there own and won by double digits... I was shocked. Classic Nuggets at Mavs game always go like what I would've predictied, but not with Chauncey. He's actually got them playing solid and sound basketball, instead of "son of a bitch, A.I. is just going to chuck up a shot this possession" basketball. I'm still having a hard time adjusting and I always fear that no lead is safe as I used to, but if the Nuggets can beat the Rockets in Houston tonight (which they never to... or at least used to) then I'll be closer to being sold on them... but not yet.
Sacramento (+12) over Portland
The Blazers are just really out of sync right now. They started off the season really well dating back to Brandon Roy's miraculous game winner to beat the Rockets. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQ0rBN8SRNw. I watched that whole game, and the last 20 seconds was spectacular. Wait, did I say 20 seconds, I mean 2 seconds. There were THREE potential game winning shots in those 2 seconds... THREE! And Brandon Roy made two of them. I watched the highlights to that game at least 10 times that night, I couldn't While I am a Nuggets fan, I will come clean now and say that Brandon Roy is my favorite NBA player, he just plays the game so well. And he's doing that right now, it's just that his team isn't picking it up. So i'll just say Sac loses by 10.
LA Lakers (-13.5) over New York
Anyways, on to the picks (much like Bill Simmons does his)...
Charlottle (+2.5) over Chicago
Of course, my first ever pick is one that could really go either way, but I'll go with Charlotte at home. They're that team this year that has always been really bad, but has quietly made improvements and is playing a lot better, but they still get no credit. Raymond Felton is having his best year now that he actually has a legit point guard in D.J. Augustin to spell minutes for him. Jason Richardson was playing pretty well before he was traded and it will hurt there scoring, but Boris Diaw and Raja Bell can play defense against smaller players, and it just so happens that Chicago is full of smaller players, specifically guards. If you can, I'd take Charlotte to win straight up. The Bulls just don't have any team chemistry and have a bunch of random guards that all fit into different systems. They're desperate right now. Just watch coach Vinny Del Negro's coaching strategy these days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_53-Y-oLgc. But hey, it's not like his old strategy was working any better.
New Orleans (-7) over Memphis
Memphis is starting to play better and O.J. Mayo looks like he's going to be an All Star in a couple years, but New Orleans is starting to play better two, and if both teams are starting to get hot, then it only makes sense to go with the all around better team. Tyson Chandler missed Sunday's game so I don't kow if he'll be back tonight. If he is the there's no way Marc Gasol and company can be too effective against him and David West. The Hornets are just too solid and play good enough defense to keep Mayo and Rudy Gay in check. And in case no one's noticed, those are there only two legit scoring options. I'm still waiting for Mike Conley to decide to try, mainly because my fantasy team was depending on him to breakout this year... Whoops. (By the way both Greg Oden and Mike Conley, the two centerpieces of that Final Four Ohio State team aren't as good as people thought. In retrospect, how did that team even make it to the Final Four?)
Oklahoma City (+5) over LA Clippers
This is the game that people will be suckered into taking the Clippers to cover because they just gave Portland their first road loss and just beat the Rockets at home. The Portland win wasn't that great because Portland isn't playing well at all right now, and the Rockets are very up and down so any team could beat the Rockets on any night. While I do like how the Clippers are playing right now with Zach Randolph (did I just say that?), it's in Oklahoma and the Thunder are starting to play better too. And besides they need to win more than 2 games, right? Firing P.J. Carlesimo was the best decision that franchise could've made because seriously, can a young team take this guys seriously? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_53-Y-oLgc. He looks like a rapist. And when he whips out those 1960s glasses it just adds to the look. Not to mention the rapist aspect, but he also looks like a racist. Couldn't you see him viciously beating his wife when Obama won, but he did it with an emotionless look on his face. He's the racist rapist! But I've digressed... The Durant, Westbrook, Green trio will get play faster than the slower Clippers and cover, if not win.
Denver (+3) over Houston
Being a from Colorado, I am a big Nuggets fan. And this year has been very confusing for me, because out of nowhere I was unexpectly handed this good Nuggets team that I got to watch, and I had no idea what to do with myself. I'm having trouble adjusting to the fact that we actually might be good this year! Even as I typed that though I still can't believe it. For the past 4 or 5 seasons, I've grown accustomed to watching a team that can beat the weak teams handily, but only when a handful of games against the stronger teams and usually look awful against them. They use this formula to consistently get the 8th seed in the playoffs. They also get a little help from a classic 15 game win streak in March that ends abrubtly on April 1st, when they start playing bad again. It's become a cycle and I've grown to expect that every year. This year though, Chauncey Billups has actually made the team... gulp... goood! I can't believe I just said that, and even though I said it I still have a hard time believing it. Last night when they were beating the Mavs by double digits at halftime, I knew that the Mavs would comeback and take the lead and from there the Mavs would win it in the final minute of the game. The Nuggets did let the Mavs go on a run, but they never gave the lead back and they went on a run of there own and won by double digits... I was shocked. Classic Nuggets at Mavs game always go like what I would've predictied, but not with Chauncey. He's actually got them playing solid and sound basketball, instead of "son of a bitch, A.I. is just going to chuck up a shot this possession" basketball. I'm still having a hard time adjusting and I always fear that no lead is safe as I used to, but if the Nuggets can beat the Rockets in Houston tonight (which they never to... or at least used to) then I'll be closer to being sold on them... but not yet.
Sacramento (+12) over Portland
The Blazers are just really out of sync right now. They started off the season really well dating back to Brandon Roy's miraculous game winner to beat the Rockets. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQ0rBN8SRNw. I watched that whole game, and the last 20 seconds was spectacular. Wait, did I say 20 seconds, I mean 2 seconds. There were THREE potential game winning shots in those 2 seconds... THREE! And Brandon Roy made two of them. I watched the highlights to that game at least 10 times that night, I couldn't While I am a Nuggets fan, I will come clean now and say that Brandon Roy is my favorite NBA player, he just plays the game so well. And he's doing that right now, it's just that his team isn't picking it up. So i'll just say Sac loses by 10.
LA Lakers (-13.5) over New York
Delgo-Mania!
I was going through the headlines on yahoo.com, and I guess a movie called Delgo came out this past friday, and here's the shocker... It was the worst opening weekend for a wide release film... EVER!!! On second thought, that's not so much of a shock, in fact I might have put money on it. I vaguely remember maybe seeing a preview for it at some movie and if this is the movie i think it is, then this is no surprise whatsoever... And yep, I just watched the trailer and it is in fact the shitty trailer I saw. Here's the link to the trailer. Consider this free, unintentional comedy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y48PRAS5Xl0.
Wow. It looks like a late 90s computer game. And on top of that it's a love story with voices by Freddie Prinze Jr. and Jennifer Love Hewitt. I swear this was made in the 90s. Maybe they made it in the 90s, realized it sucked, but are now desperate for money so decided "what the hell, let's see if we can make some money off of this."
To me, the most shocking part of all is that it made over $500,000. I would expect only friends and family to go see this so, I don't know, I guess this had potential to make $2,000? They should consider this a success. I wonder what they will think of their lives when they look back on themselves. If Delgo is all they do, then that's very depressing.
All I can say is that I can't waith for the Delgo video game and the Delgo DVD!
Tomorrow I have my first NBA picks, let's see how I fare.
Wow. It looks like a late 90s computer game. And on top of that it's a love story with voices by Freddie Prinze Jr. and Jennifer Love Hewitt. I swear this was made in the 90s. Maybe they made it in the 90s, realized it sucked, but are now desperate for money so decided "what the hell, let's see if we can make some money off of this."
To me, the most shocking part of all is that it made over $500,000. I would expect only friends and family to go see this so, I don't know, I guess this had potential to make $2,000? They should consider this a success. I wonder what they will think of their lives when they look back on themselves. If Delgo is all they do, then that's very depressing.
All I can say is that I can't waith for the Delgo video game and the Delgo DVD!
Tomorrow I have my first NBA picks, let's see how I fare.
Monday, December 15, 2008
We Want a Leader Not a Loser!
Welcome to my first ever blog post! Woo hoo!!!! My name is Mark, but you can think of me as the lord and savior of sports writing. Mark, the lord and savior... it's all the same really. But to be honest, if this blog miraculously gets any hits, then I'm certain I will http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4.
And that, my loyal readers, was my first attempt at a joke! I'm pretty proud of it to be honest, so try not to be too critical of it because there will certainly be many more to come... or maybe not. Anyways, I should be studying for my ancient greek philosophy final up here at CU Boulder (home of the Buffs... and a lot of these guys, http://mypetjawa.mu.nu/archives/hippies.gif. Those are actual representations of Boulder hippies, just ask Matt and Trey) but I just had a sudden urge to blog. I don't know what it was, maybe the scent in the air: http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff50/dolop_ghani/shit.jpg... no that couldn't have been it. Maybe it was the great football game on TV: http://scores.espn.go.com/nfl/photos?photoId=2106337&gameId=281215021... no definitely not that riveting monday night matchup. Well, all I can say is that sometimes a kid just needs to blog, it just really can't be explained. Kind of like how some other things can't really be explained: http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0euo6j5edmdBY/340x.jpg. Aw, nothing like a hard earned safety.
So you're probably wondering why I'm choosing to right a sure to fail blog instead of study for a final that could have an impact on my future. Well, you see, ancient greek philosophy readings are ridiculously complicated and very boring (no offense to my ancient greek philosophy die hard readers, I don't want to lose that key demographic) and I would just want to kill myself the whole time. (Not really though, it just sounded very dramatic, and drama=ratings... er, hits). Reading philosophy is like watching one of these games: http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/womenbb/index. And let's face it, there's no hot chicks, no athleticism, and it's just all around torture to watch. Why women's basketball has a television contract with any network is mind boddling. (By the way, in my first blog I just lost two key demographics: philosophers and women's basketball fans. Without those readers, my column is sure to fail... Let's see who else I can inadvertately piss off.)
And besides, this is my professor: http://www.dailycamera.com/photos/2008/sep/22/107620/. He's the guy on the left by the way, and also an actual viking. So yeah, the philosophy part sucks, but I am fond of the viking aspect. The local Boulder paper was doing a story on vikings living in the area, and my philosophy teacher being one of the few in Boulder, was an obvious choice as the feature of the story. I guess the upside is that I get to listen to great tales about how the vikings settled in America which is pretty cool to hear from a REAL LIFE VIKING. But then again, he does tell some pretty depressing stories about their failures: http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/07tuetl4U8fEW/340x.jpg.
Two great things about that last picture: one, I searched "Tavaris Jackson sacked" and there were so many options that it made for a surprisingly difficult decision. It's like having a hundred hot chicks throwing themselves at you, but you can only bang one. And second, the website that had that picture was daylife.com, which is funny because Tavaris Jackson getting sacked iis a daily life occurence.
I'm watching SportsCenter as I right this, and they are playing this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7TxIMAwc1k. And this was BEFORE Gene Chizik was even hired. That was pretty rough, but the most astounding part is that kid's dedication to booing Gene Chizik. I mean, it's as if the second that kid heard that Gene Chizik was a candidate to become Auburn coach, he made it his sworn duty to boo him to his face. Think about it, this kid staked out a private jet landing that was probably undisclosed and private, just so he could boo him for 10 seconds and post it on YouTube. That's quite the fan. He was more determined than Ron Burgundy trying to get to the newsroom when they were going to put Corningstone on: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3433610628109387525. Of course, the determination he shows is towards the end of that clip, sadly I couldn't find him running and shoving random people for no reason, and even taking a man's cigarette out of his mouth for himself to smoke... great scene. (By the way, my roommate and I just realized the 2 sided rubix cube on Brian Fantana's desk. Just another subtle joke that makes that movie so great.)
To be serious though, I'm not going to criticize Gene Chizik... yet. I mean, who knows. He was the defensive coordinator at Auburn back in 2004, so maybe they liked him then, but thought Tubberville would be there longer and were fine letting him go. I'm not saying Chizik was the best man for the job, that was easily Turner Gill, but I'm not close to this situation in any way, shape, or form, so I have no idea what kind of coach Chizik is. All I know is that he had like a combined 5-19 record with Iowa State over the past two seasons. Now, things to consider is that the Big 12 is the best conference in football whether you want to admit it or not, and it is Iowa State, it's not like taking the reins at Auburn where you actually have players. Chizik was working with a team consisting of what I would guess to be 20 or so recruits and another 20 or so guys who thought, "Hey, I go to Iowa State, right? And we suck at football, right? Well shit, I bet I could make the team!" And they did. Think about it, the only good player I can ever remember coming out of Iowa State is this guy: http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0g9ecl1cYWaBK/610x.jpg. Did I say good player? My mistake, I meant second-string NFL quarterback. But hey, at least Iowa State can say they're responsible for many Seahawk losses this year! That's called progress! Pretty soon they might contribute a kicker or something, but I don't want to count my eggs before they hatch. (daylife.com is a great website when it involves quarterbacks getting sacked who get sacked often.)
My prediction is that Chizik will not be successful, simiply because he doesn't seem like a good coach in the first place, and also because there is way too much pressure on a guy who is a year removed from Iowa State. It's one thing if the media had no problem with the hiring and he just went about his business, but the media is going to be all over him, and he will probably not respond well. If the over-under for fits of rage towards the media this year for Chizik is at .5, I'm taking the over without hesitation. Who here is sensing an, "I'm a man, I'm 47!" around the corner? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3COB5g4RyYY
As far as the lack of black coaches in Division 1 goes though, it really is astonishing that there's only what, like 4? Without black coaches in football, how will we ever get to hear stuff like this again? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDAq5tyfk9E. By the way, I watched that live on ESPN News and remember watching that whole game, and that was a pivotal point in my youth. That was the first time I witnessed a live coaching meltdown, and it couldn't have put a bigger smile on my face. I felt like my cherry had been popped, except replace the rough first time sex with the second half raping the Bears put on the Cardinals... it's all the same though right?
Back to black coaches. My "wants to think the best of everyone" side of me wants to think that the reason that black coaches aren't getting jobs is that the white candidates are simply the better candidates. That sounds like a terrible thing to say, but it really would be morally better if the better coach was getting the job in each case, regardless of race, and it just so happened that the best candidates have been white. But who am I kidding, that's not the case. My evidence: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ce/Bobby_Bowden-FSU_2006.jpg. That picture just might be the first time I've ever seen Bobby Bowden wearing a headset. But then again, this picture makes it look like he's just trying it on because he's always been curious as to how it works, but can't figure it out. Typical of old people with technology: http://www.techcastweekly.com/images/OldManLaptop1.jpg.
I can hear Bobby Bowden now...
Bobby: "Hey yo Jimbo!"
Jimbo Fisher: "Yeah Bobby, what's up?"
Bobby: " You see that fancy headseat you got there on your head and such? Well it looks really complicated like it's from the future or something. HAHA I'm just messin', but really I'd like to try one of 'dem puppies out, it looks awfully fun!"
Jimbo: "Yeah sure Bobby, but the offense is about to take the field, and we've gotta coach them."
Bobby: "Damn it Jimbo, gimme 'dem goddamn headphones right now you cock sucker!"
Jimbo: "But Bobby, this is a crucial possession, I just think that..."
Bobby: "I don't have you on my staff to think, I have you on my coach to be secret head coach! You got 'dat there sonny? Now since I'm the official head coach, you give me 'dem goddamn headphones, ya hear me boy!"
Jimbo: "Yes sir."
Bobby: "Now 'dat's more like it... You're alright Jimbo... You're alright... Now stop standing around and go coach my team for me dangnabit!... Now let's see, where's that goshdang space communicator on this thing at?"
It's like I was standing on the sidelines at an FSU game or something. Of course, I wasn't, but I assume they lost.
My point though with Bobby Bowden, is that just watching him coach here and there makes me realize just how many inept coaches there are in college football. Turner Gill is 1,000 times more qualified to coach than Jimbo Fisher... er, Bobby Bowden, but he's stuck at Buffalo. Not that that's a terrible thing, it's just that... well... it's Buffalo. http://www.southernledger.com/images_ap/9b5ddfa1-a481-478d-80db-c32541e3b4a6-9b5ddfa1-a481-478d-80db-c32541e3b4a6.jpg. http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0aMPbMSe6i1pT/610x.jpg. Yep, that pretty much sums up the level of football that's being played there.
Buffalo is more of a starter job, an internship if you will. Turner Gill performed tremendously at his internship and now he's ready to compete with the big boys. This could be a secret blessing though because when I think Auburn football, I don't think National Championship. No, when I think Auburn football, I think of a program that plays solid defense but can't play offense and has an A.D. that fires a solid and pretty successful head coach who had one down year only to downgrade at head coach... Don't be bummed Turner, you dodged a bullet. Trust me, the best you would've done is the Cotton Bowl.
My advise to Turner is to not try to take just any BCS Conference job that is available, like Iowa State. Be patient you're young and the way programs handle their coaches these days, a good position will open up soon.
One last thing on black coaches. Don't you just feel like black coaches have a certain edge and intesity to them that is just better than most? They all have that Denzel from "Remember the Titans" style to them these days. If you want to correct a a struggling team, you pair them up with a black coach. Then they get the discipline they need, and they always seem to respond and end up liking him for pushing them. And you can't mess with these coaches. Would you mess with this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EB5-yJM3vJc. I wouldn't... And plus if you do then you get an unwanted visit to the set of a Hanes underwear commercial. That's even more incentive to win and follow orders.
One little tidbit about me is that I love to bet on sports. I bet on the NFL, NBA, college football, and college basketball online, and I love it. Tomorrow in my blog I'll break down some bets on the NBA that I like for the night, and maybe a college basketball bet or two if any catch my eye.
To finish off my column, I'll quickly discuss the great Monday Night matchup of Philadelphia and Cleveland that ESPN so kindly let me watch tonight. Monday Night games need to be allowed to be flexed out, and the past two weeks were perfect examples of why. Don't get me wrong, I can find reasons to watch Texans vs. Jags like betting, but their big pitch for the game was that Houston was trying to keep their hopes for their first winning season in franchise history alive! "Johnson, cancel all my meetings this evening, I have to get home early so I can prepare for the biggest game in Texans history." What's funny though is that that WAS the biggest game in Texans history, also because it was their first ever home Monday Night game. Poor Houston fans, they haven't even witnessed a winning season yet... Oh well though, all they have to do is win out! Every game is a must win! Finally a reason to watch Texans football! They're actually playing really well lately, it's just too bad that Hurricane Ike had to throw them off early. Oh, who am I kidding, this is what threw them off: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmY_bkpbyME&feature=related. It's the curse of Sage Rosenfels! Poor Sage, he never asked to be the starting quarterback for the Texans... he just signed a contract to back-up Matt Schaub... Oh wait, I guess neither Sage of I realized what that could possibly entail. Pretty much sums up the Texans season.
On to this Monday Night game. This game pitted a streaking hot Eagle team against maybe the worst team in the NFL right now... scratch the mabye, they are the worst, my mistake. They're down to their third string quarterback, and wait, you look familiar... http://www.sun-sentinel.com/media/photo/2007-08/32011580.jpg. Oh yeah, you lead Miami to a National Championship win over Nebraska! Surely to be the quarterback of a National Champion, you must be doing well right now. What is it again that you're doing right now? http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0fZx2rhbj91m3/340x.jpg. Oh... sorry I didn't mean to bring that up. At least the Browns can look forward to having a top 5 pick next year, and comeback next year with a healthy and NFL ready Brady Quinn. But then again, a lot of guys are NFL ready. http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0fZx2rhbj91m3/340x.jpg. Oops, sorry Ken, I forgot I already referenced you.
(Let's recap the readers I've angered and the key demographics I'll probably lose: philosophers http://fog.ccsf.cc.ca.us/~bgeis/philo/Philosophers.gif, women's basketball fan's http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/stpdrckr420/LESBIANS.png, Ken Dorsey fans http://pro.corbis.com/images/CB103165.jpg?size=572&uid=%7B02FD326A-3796-449D-B20A-440F2E01C6E8%7D, and Ken Dorsey http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0fZx2rhbj91m3/340x.jpg. Whoops, sorry Ken, I need to stop doing that.)
As for the Eagles, this is a big improvement over tying the Bengals. That could come back to bite them. At least Donovan McNabb knows that they probably need to win out to make the playoffs... at least he should know. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYqwZRVQ6eg. Who knows, we could see him lounging on the sideline against the Redskins when a sideline reporter will ask, "Donovan, why are you relaxing on this beach chair drinking smoothies right now? You do realize that you need to win this game to have a shot at making the playoffs." To which Donovan will say, "I honestly have never been a part of a legit Super Bowl contender so I don't really know what to do. I know I made the Super Bowl one year, but I never thought we would win which is why I displayed terrible clock management in the 4th quarter... I just wanted to go home and drink some smoothies."
If the Eagles win out though, they will probably make the playoffs and knock Dallas out. I really hope this happens because I'm getting tired of the Cowboys off the field primadonna antics... but then again, I do enjoy a good ol' fashioned Ed Werner bashing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3-ixRcrC60. T.O.'s words to live by: "When things aren't going well and you're feeling a lot of pressure, blame Ed Werner." Poor Ed, his purpose for living is to cover the Dallas Cowboys, that's why he was put on Earth. I honestly believe this. When God was creating Ed Werder, he designated him "Journalist with hopes to cover the entire National Football League, but will ultimately be designated 'Cowboys beat reporter by' by ESPN and he will also be Terrell Owen's whipping boy." Tough break. I can see the conversation between Ed and his wife now...
Ed: Honey, I'm home.
Wife: It's 8 o'clock, Ed, you said you would be home at 5. Dinner is cold now.
Ed: I'm sorry honey, ESPN made me stay late and try to snag an interview with Marion Barber about his alleged altercation with Jerry Jones, but it turns out he left practice early, so it was a waste. But I did see Terrell Owens and Jason Witten get into a heated argument, so at least I got a good story. I'm really sorry though.
Wife: Well do you want to know what else is a waste Ed? Our marriage! And the god damn roast! I spent 2 hours cooking it because I thought you would be home early for dinner! But no! You had to stay late for the Cowboys! It's always about the fucking Cowboys!
Ed: Honey I'm really sorry, I couldn't control it, my boss made me try to get that interview I wanted to leave! You know I love you!
Wife: You don't love me! You love the fucking Cowboys! What are you fucking a cheerleader or something!?!
Ed: Honey, no! I'm just doing my job! I never wanted to cover the Cowboys, they make me you know that! Every day T.O. bitch slaps me when he walks by and calls me a fuckface, do you think I enjoy that!?
Wife: Well you're never home anymore! And you wanna know something about T.O.?
Ed: What?
Wife: I'M FUCKING HIM!!!!!
Ed: WHAT!?!
Wife: I want a divorce Ed! I can't take this anymore! You made me do this!
Ed: I can't believe you did this to me! Fuck you! Fuck my life! Fuck the Cowboys!!!!!
*That Sunday after the Cowboys vs. Giants game.*
Andrea Kramer: Terrell, what does a win like this do to help heal the off the field drama?
T.O.: Personally, I blame Ed Werder for all this.
Ed (at his brothers house because his wife kicked him out, and watching this interview): WHAT!?!?!?
T.O.: None of what he said was true, I don't know why he would want to lie and cause this conflict.
Ed: I fucking saw the fight! I saw it!
T.O.: He's just a terrible reporter with terrible ethics and he should be fired.
Andrea: Compelling stuff.
(In the background, T.O. turns to Tony and starts thrusting and lips "I'm gonnna fuck Ed's wife tonight!")
Ed: FUCK YOU TERRELL OWENS!!!! YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!!!!!
The phone rings.
Ed: Hello?
Guy on the phone: Hi Ed, This is Steve from ESPN and was just calling to say let you know that you've been fired effective immediately. Have a good day... and by the way did you see that Cowboys game? Great win! Go 'Boys!
Ed pulls out a gun and kills himself
*END SCENE*
Yup, I can see it now. It's a damn shame, he seemed like such a nice guy. http://www.espnmediazone.com/press_kits/mnf/images/werder_ed.jpg. I do love his "From Cowboys headquarters, Ed Werder, ES,PN" signature sign-off. Can't wait to see who T.O.'s next bitch will be. My moneys on Wendy Nix.
Later.
And that, my loyal readers, was my first attempt at a joke! I'm pretty proud of it to be honest, so try not to be too critical of it because there will certainly be many more to come... or maybe not. Anyways, I should be studying for my ancient greek philosophy final up here at CU Boulder (home of the Buffs... and a lot of these guys, http://mypetjawa.mu.nu/archives/hippies.gif. Those are actual representations of Boulder hippies, just ask Matt and Trey) but I just had a sudden urge to blog. I don't know what it was, maybe the scent in the air: http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff50/dolop_ghani/shit.jpg... no that couldn't have been it. Maybe it was the great football game on TV: http://scores.espn.go.com/nfl/photos?photoId=2106337&gameId=281215021... no definitely not that riveting monday night matchup. Well, all I can say is that sometimes a kid just needs to blog, it just really can't be explained. Kind of like how some other things can't really be explained: http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0euo6j5edmdBY/340x.jpg. Aw, nothing like a hard earned safety.
So you're probably wondering why I'm choosing to right a sure to fail blog instead of study for a final that could have an impact on my future. Well, you see, ancient greek philosophy readings are ridiculously complicated and very boring (no offense to my ancient greek philosophy die hard readers, I don't want to lose that key demographic) and I would just want to kill myself the whole time. (Not really though, it just sounded very dramatic, and drama=ratings... er, hits). Reading philosophy is like watching one of these games: http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/womenbb/index. And let's face it, there's no hot chicks, no athleticism, and it's just all around torture to watch. Why women's basketball has a television contract with any network is mind boddling. (By the way, in my first blog I just lost two key demographics: philosophers and women's basketball fans. Without those readers, my column is sure to fail... Let's see who else I can inadvertately piss off.)
And besides, this is my professor: http://www.dailycamera.com/photos/2008/sep/22/107620/. He's the guy on the left by the way, and also an actual viking. So yeah, the philosophy part sucks, but I am fond of the viking aspect. The local Boulder paper was doing a story on vikings living in the area, and my philosophy teacher being one of the few in Boulder, was an obvious choice as the feature of the story. I guess the upside is that I get to listen to great tales about how the vikings settled in America which is pretty cool to hear from a REAL LIFE VIKING. But then again, he does tell some pretty depressing stories about their failures: http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/07tuetl4U8fEW/340x.jpg.
Two great things about that last picture: one, I searched "Tavaris Jackson sacked" and there were so many options that it made for a surprisingly difficult decision. It's like having a hundred hot chicks throwing themselves at you, but you can only bang one. And second, the website that had that picture was daylife.com, which is funny because Tavaris Jackson getting sacked iis a daily life occurence.
I'm watching SportsCenter as I right this, and they are playing this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7TxIMAwc1k. And this was BEFORE Gene Chizik was even hired. That was pretty rough, but the most astounding part is that kid's dedication to booing Gene Chizik. I mean, it's as if the second that kid heard that Gene Chizik was a candidate to become Auburn coach, he made it his sworn duty to boo him to his face. Think about it, this kid staked out a private jet landing that was probably undisclosed and private, just so he could boo him for 10 seconds and post it on YouTube. That's quite the fan. He was more determined than Ron Burgundy trying to get to the newsroom when they were going to put Corningstone on: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3433610628109387525. Of course, the determination he shows is towards the end of that clip, sadly I couldn't find him running and shoving random people for no reason, and even taking a man's cigarette out of his mouth for himself to smoke... great scene. (By the way, my roommate and I just realized the 2 sided rubix cube on Brian Fantana's desk. Just another subtle joke that makes that movie so great.)
To be serious though, I'm not going to criticize Gene Chizik... yet. I mean, who knows. He was the defensive coordinator at Auburn back in 2004, so maybe they liked him then, but thought Tubberville would be there longer and were fine letting him go. I'm not saying Chizik was the best man for the job, that was easily Turner Gill, but I'm not close to this situation in any way, shape, or form, so I have no idea what kind of coach Chizik is. All I know is that he had like a combined 5-19 record with Iowa State over the past two seasons. Now, things to consider is that the Big 12 is the best conference in football whether you want to admit it or not, and it is Iowa State, it's not like taking the reins at Auburn where you actually have players. Chizik was working with a team consisting of what I would guess to be 20 or so recruits and another 20 or so guys who thought, "Hey, I go to Iowa State, right? And we suck at football, right? Well shit, I bet I could make the team!" And they did. Think about it, the only good player I can ever remember coming out of Iowa State is this guy: http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0g9ecl1cYWaBK/610x.jpg. Did I say good player? My mistake, I meant second-string NFL quarterback. But hey, at least Iowa State can say they're responsible for many Seahawk losses this year! That's called progress! Pretty soon they might contribute a kicker or something, but I don't want to count my eggs before they hatch. (daylife.com is a great website when it involves quarterbacks getting sacked who get sacked often.)
My prediction is that Chizik will not be successful, simiply because he doesn't seem like a good coach in the first place, and also because there is way too much pressure on a guy who is a year removed from Iowa State. It's one thing if the media had no problem with the hiring and he just went about his business, but the media is going to be all over him, and he will probably not respond well. If the over-under for fits of rage towards the media this year for Chizik is at .5, I'm taking the over without hesitation. Who here is sensing an, "I'm a man, I'm 47!" around the corner? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3COB5g4RyYY
As far as the lack of black coaches in Division 1 goes though, it really is astonishing that there's only what, like 4? Without black coaches in football, how will we ever get to hear stuff like this again? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDAq5tyfk9E. By the way, I watched that live on ESPN News and remember watching that whole game, and that was a pivotal point in my youth. That was the first time I witnessed a live coaching meltdown, and it couldn't have put a bigger smile on my face. I felt like my cherry had been popped, except replace the rough first time sex with the second half raping the Bears put on the Cardinals... it's all the same though right?
Back to black coaches. My "wants to think the best of everyone" side of me wants to think that the reason that black coaches aren't getting jobs is that the white candidates are simply the better candidates. That sounds like a terrible thing to say, but it really would be morally better if the better coach was getting the job in each case, regardless of race, and it just so happened that the best candidates have been white. But who am I kidding, that's not the case. My evidence: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ce/Bobby_Bowden-FSU_2006.jpg. That picture just might be the first time I've ever seen Bobby Bowden wearing a headset. But then again, this picture makes it look like he's just trying it on because he's always been curious as to how it works, but can't figure it out. Typical of old people with technology: http://www.techcastweekly.com/images/OldManLaptop1.jpg.
I can hear Bobby Bowden now...
Bobby: "Hey yo Jimbo!"
Jimbo Fisher: "Yeah Bobby, what's up?"
Bobby: " You see that fancy headseat you got there on your head and such? Well it looks really complicated like it's from the future or something. HAHA I'm just messin', but really I'd like to try one of 'dem puppies out, it looks awfully fun!"
Jimbo: "Yeah sure Bobby, but the offense is about to take the field, and we've gotta coach them."
Bobby: "Damn it Jimbo, gimme 'dem goddamn headphones right now you cock sucker!"
Jimbo: "But Bobby, this is a crucial possession, I just think that..."
Bobby: "I don't have you on my staff to think, I have you on my coach to be secret head coach! You got 'dat there sonny? Now since I'm the official head coach, you give me 'dem goddamn headphones, ya hear me boy!"
Jimbo: "Yes sir."
Bobby: "Now 'dat's more like it... You're alright Jimbo... You're alright... Now stop standing around and go coach my team for me dangnabit!... Now let's see, where's that goshdang space communicator on this thing at?"
It's like I was standing on the sidelines at an FSU game or something. Of course, I wasn't, but I assume they lost.
My point though with Bobby Bowden, is that just watching him coach here and there makes me realize just how many inept coaches there are in college football. Turner Gill is 1,000 times more qualified to coach than Jimbo Fisher... er, Bobby Bowden, but he's stuck at Buffalo. Not that that's a terrible thing, it's just that... well... it's Buffalo. http://www.southernledger.com/images_ap/9b5ddfa1-a481-478d-80db-c32541e3b4a6-9b5ddfa1-a481-478d-80db-c32541e3b4a6.jpg. http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0aMPbMSe6i1pT/610x.jpg. Yep, that pretty much sums up the level of football that's being played there.
Buffalo is more of a starter job, an internship if you will. Turner Gill performed tremendously at his internship and now he's ready to compete with the big boys. This could be a secret blessing though because when I think Auburn football, I don't think National Championship. No, when I think Auburn football, I think of a program that plays solid defense but can't play offense and has an A.D. that fires a solid and pretty successful head coach who had one down year only to downgrade at head coach... Don't be bummed Turner, you dodged a bullet. Trust me, the best you would've done is the Cotton Bowl.
My advise to Turner is to not try to take just any BCS Conference job that is available, like Iowa State. Be patient you're young and the way programs handle their coaches these days, a good position will open up soon.
One last thing on black coaches. Don't you just feel like black coaches have a certain edge and intesity to them that is just better than most? They all have that Denzel from "Remember the Titans" style to them these days. If you want to correct a a struggling team, you pair them up with a black coach. Then they get the discipline they need, and they always seem to respond and end up liking him for pushing them. And you can't mess with these coaches. Would you mess with this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EB5-yJM3vJc. I wouldn't... And plus if you do then you get an unwanted visit to the set of a Hanes underwear commercial. That's even more incentive to win and follow orders.
One little tidbit about me is that I love to bet on sports. I bet on the NFL, NBA, college football, and college basketball online, and I love it. Tomorrow in my blog I'll break down some bets on the NBA that I like for the night, and maybe a college basketball bet or two if any catch my eye.
To finish off my column, I'll quickly discuss the great Monday Night matchup of Philadelphia and Cleveland that ESPN so kindly let me watch tonight. Monday Night games need to be allowed to be flexed out, and the past two weeks were perfect examples of why. Don't get me wrong, I can find reasons to watch Texans vs. Jags like betting, but their big pitch for the game was that Houston was trying to keep their hopes for their first winning season in franchise history alive! "Johnson, cancel all my meetings this evening, I have to get home early so I can prepare for the biggest game in Texans history." What's funny though is that that WAS the biggest game in Texans history, also because it was their first ever home Monday Night game. Poor Houston fans, they haven't even witnessed a winning season yet... Oh well though, all they have to do is win out! Every game is a must win! Finally a reason to watch Texans football! They're actually playing really well lately, it's just too bad that Hurricane Ike had to throw them off early. Oh, who am I kidding, this is what threw them off: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmY_bkpbyME&feature=related. It's the curse of Sage Rosenfels! Poor Sage, he never asked to be the starting quarterback for the Texans... he just signed a contract to back-up Matt Schaub... Oh wait, I guess neither Sage of I realized what that could possibly entail. Pretty much sums up the Texans season.
On to this Monday Night game. This game pitted a streaking hot Eagle team against maybe the worst team in the NFL right now... scratch the mabye, they are the worst, my mistake. They're down to their third string quarterback, and wait, you look familiar... http://www.sun-sentinel.com/media/photo/2007-08/32011580.jpg. Oh yeah, you lead Miami to a National Championship win over Nebraska! Surely to be the quarterback of a National Champion, you must be doing well right now. What is it again that you're doing right now? http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0fZx2rhbj91m3/340x.jpg. Oh... sorry I didn't mean to bring that up. At least the Browns can look forward to having a top 5 pick next year, and comeback next year with a healthy and NFL ready Brady Quinn. But then again, a lot of guys are NFL ready. http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0fZx2rhbj91m3/340x.jpg. Oops, sorry Ken, I forgot I already referenced you.
(Let's recap the readers I've angered and the key demographics I'll probably lose: philosophers http://fog.ccsf.cc.ca.us/~bgeis/philo/Philosophers.gif, women's basketball fan's http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/stpdrckr420/LESBIANS.png, Ken Dorsey fans http://pro.corbis.com/images/CB103165.jpg?size=572&uid=%7B02FD326A-3796-449D-B20A-440F2E01C6E8%7D, and Ken Dorsey http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0fZx2rhbj91m3/340x.jpg. Whoops, sorry Ken, I need to stop doing that.)
As for the Eagles, this is a big improvement over tying the Bengals. That could come back to bite them. At least Donovan McNabb knows that they probably need to win out to make the playoffs... at least he should know. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYqwZRVQ6eg. Who knows, we could see him lounging on the sideline against the Redskins when a sideline reporter will ask, "Donovan, why are you relaxing on this beach chair drinking smoothies right now? You do realize that you need to win this game to have a shot at making the playoffs." To which Donovan will say, "I honestly have never been a part of a legit Super Bowl contender so I don't really know what to do. I know I made the Super Bowl one year, but I never thought we would win which is why I displayed terrible clock management in the 4th quarter... I just wanted to go home and drink some smoothies."
If the Eagles win out though, they will probably make the playoffs and knock Dallas out. I really hope this happens because I'm getting tired of the Cowboys off the field primadonna antics... but then again, I do enjoy a good ol' fashioned Ed Werner bashing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3-ixRcrC60. T.O.'s words to live by: "When things aren't going well and you're feeling a lot of pressure, blame Ed Werner." Poor Ed, his purpose for living is to cover the Dallas Cowboys, that's why he was put on Earth. I honestly believe this. When God was creating Ed Werder, he designated him "Journalist with hopes to cover the entire National Football League, but will ultimately be designated 'Cowboys beat reporter by' by ESPN and he will also be Terrell Owen's whipping boy." Tough break. I can see the conversation between Ed and his wife now...
Ed: Honey, I'm home.
Wife: It's 8 o'clock, Ed, you said you would be home at 5. Dinner is cold now.
Ed: I'm sorry honey, ESPN made me stay late and try to snag an interview with Marion Barber about his alleged altercation with Jerry Jones, but it turns out he left practice early, so it was a waste. But I did see Terrell Owens and Jason Witten get into a heated argument, so at least I got a good story. I'm really sorry though.
Wife: Well do you want to know what else is a waste Ed? Our marriage! And the god damn roast! I spent 2 hours cooking it because I thought you would be home early for dinner! But no! You had to stay late for the Cowboys! It's always about the fucking Cowboys!
Ed: Honey I'm really sorry, I couldn't control it, my boss made me try to get that interview I wanted to leave! You know I love you!
Wife: You don't love me! You love the fucking Cowboys! What are you fucking a cheerleader or something!?!
Ed: Honey, no! I'm just doing my job! I never wanted to cover the Cowboys, they make me you know that! Every day T.O. bitch slaps me when he walks by and calls me a fuckface, do you think I enjoy that!?
Wife: Well you're never home anymore! And you wanna know something about T.O.?
Ed: What?
Wife: I'M FUCKING HIM!!!!!
Ed: WHAT!?!
Wife: I want a divorce Ed! I can't take this anymore! You made me do this!
Ed: I can't believe you did this to me! Fuck you! Fuck my life! Fuck the Cowboys!!!!!
*That Sunday after the Cowboys vs. Giants game.*
Andrea Kramer: Terrell, what does a win like this do to help heal the off the field drama?
T.O.: Personally, I blame Ed Werder for all this.
Ed (at his brothers house because his wife kicked him out, and watching this interview): WHAT!?!?!?
T.O.: None of what he said was true, I don't know why he would want to lie and cause this conflict.
Ed: I fucking saw the fight! I saw it!
T.O.: He's just a terrible reporter with terrible ethics and he should be fired.
Andrea: Compelling stuff.
(In the background, T.O. turns to Tony and starts thrusting and lips "I'm gonnna fuck Ed's wife tonight!")
Ed: FUCK YOU TERRELL OWENS!!!! YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!!!!!
The phone rings.
Ed: Hello?
Guy on the phone: Hi Ed, This is Steve from ESPN and was just calling to say let you know that you've been fired effective immediately. Have a good day... and by the way did you see that Cowboys game? Great win! Go 'Boys!
Ed pulls out a gun and kills himself
*END SCENE*
Yup, I can see it now. It's a damn shame, he seemed like such a nice guy. http://www.espnmediazone.com/press_kits/mnf/images/werder_ed.jpg. I do love his "From Cowboys headquarters, Ed Werder, ES,PN" signature sign-off. Can't wait to see who T.O.'s next bitch will be. My moneys on Wendy Nix.
Later.
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